monsieurleprince:

Marcus Stone (1840 - 1921) - Distant thoughts, 1860

(via centuriespast)

This is me and my eldest child. 

Went to the pumpkin patch yesterday… had a lot of fun.. BUT.. didn’t bring home any pumpkins..!!  What?? !!  These are my kids.  This pumpkin patch is a traditon for us. we always go there because there are so many fun things for the kids to do. 

tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?

Waking up in my crib and feeling happy…  I just layed there for awhile and then my mom walked into the room.. smiling and saying she didn’t know I was awake.  I don’t think I could talk yet, but I knew what she was saying. 

I’m totally addicted to this song.. 

Oh Land - Wolf & I (Live) (by OhlandVEVO)

sometimesshesays asked: Tag! You're it! State 5 random facts about yourself then pass it on to whatever blogs you choose!

hmmm… I never know what to say in these things…  I mean.. do I go for mundane facts?.. emotional stuff???

1.  I should have been a dancer.  Apparently I was a temple dancer in ancient Babylonia!  lol!! (according to a psychic I talked to once)

2.  I love to bake and make chocolate candies.. I go crazy every holiday season.  What’s ironic about this is I can’t eat wheat gluten.. so… I don’t get to eat any of the baked goods.  I think this year I’ll do truffles and fudge.. not sure yet.  :-)

3.  I feel lonely almost all the time.

4.  I can listen to music every waking minute..  I never get tired of it.. and I like almost any kind of music.. it drives everyone in my household crazy because I’m just a “noisey” person. 

5.  I have horrible social anxiety.  I feel out of place any time I’m in public.  I’m constantly worried about how I’m coming across to others..  I really hate being misunderstood.

poetryeater:

I lost my way, I forgot to call on your name. The raw heart beat against the world, and the tears were for my lost victory. But you are here. You have always been here. The world is all forgetting, and the heart is a rage of directions, but your name unifies the heart, and the world is lifted into its place. Blessed is the one who waits in the traveller’s heart for his turning.

I think he might be one of the funniest comediens ever…   This routine always makes me laugh. 

Katt Williams- Killed by a Tiger (by VowaDT)

Santo & Johnny, Sleepwalk, 1959 (by RadioRecordClub)

I’ve realized this last year or so, that my life is a big mess of loose ends and unfinished business.  This drives me insane… to the point where I can’t think of much else.  I’ve never been very good at working things out with people.. more so when i was younger.  I think I got really upset and then shut down without trying to deal with things…  I still shut down, but, I’ve come to realize the value in having people around.  I kind of screwed up a lot of friendships and love relationships because I didn’t try and work them out.  I have since found a couple of friends…, one is friends on facebook, but it’s obvious that we are in such different places with so many years without communicating.. that I have a hard time relating anymore..  I mean we’re still kind of the same people, but we’ve just had such different experience since, that it’s difficult.

Others I’ve thought of, but haven’t gotten a hold of.  Let me just say.. that there is nothing more frustrating than wanting to have a conversation with someone … maybe just to say sorry, or for some sort of closure , and not be able to have that.  I think that may be one of my biggest life heartbreaks.  It takes me years.. years to get over things sometimes… but apparently for others.. “years” = forgetting.. 

You would think that I could just let go, but I think the very fact that I can’t deal with the emotions,. or because so many years were spent hurting.. I just can’t make sense of all of it without closure, i guess….   

I mean.. even little things have been bothering me.. like there was this guy back in 96?  or so?  Well we met online.. the only person at that point I had ever met online and actually wanted to meet in person.. He was an awesome guy.. awesome.. We probably would’ve dated for awhile.. because I just liked him… well.. because it was a weird online meeting.. and I was overly cautious.. I never gave him my number.. I had his.. called him a couple times and we were planning on meeting.. Well, this other guy I was kinda dating got jealous.. and I think he stole the piece of paper with his number on it… so I never got to call this guy back..  It really upset me because I told this guy I would call him back.. He probably thought I blew him off.  It just bothers me… so stupid I know..  He was a really shy nice guy.. and who knows what he was thinking.. but, I feel bad… to this day.. I still feel bad…   He probably doesn’t even remember who the hell I am.. I know.. I’m totally stupid.  Crazy…    It’s just weird shit like this that stays in the back of my head..   

It’s more than that.. there are a few different situations I wish I had handled better.  I wish I had better communication skills.  I think that when I hurt so soo sooo bad I don’t know how to handle things.  I think I get so scared of hurting more, especially when I don’t think I can hurt any more than I already am… so I avoid the situations that may cause the pain.   

So, how do I deal with this?  There doesn’t seem to be any way of dealing with some of it.. especially if the other people don’t want to talk to me.. How do I let things be?